Living Beautifully and Fearlessly

21 Nov

Me today!

I finally have a reason to seriously clean my house. Like SERIOUSLY clean. My loft looks like a hoarder lives up there. This afternoon I was trying to go through all the lose papers and other crap that’s in the loft and it was pretty interesting. I found a lot of things I’d written years ago and I could actually see the path and journey my career choices have taken; Photography > Makeup > Logos > Print Design > Publication. As much as it looks like a giant mess, I’m finding a lot of little bits and pieces of the places I’ve been. Like a time capsule of how far I’ve came since I moved here five years ago.

Of all the things I found this was one of my favorites. I had written this on some lose leaf paper and it’s dated 2007. It almost brought tears to my eyes because I remember there being a little while where I felt really lost. I hadn’t made any good friends here and I wasn’t truly happy with photography any more. It’s amazing to think how much I’ve been through since then . . . I really lived up to what I’d written in this declaration to myself.

Here it is:

2007

You never know what you might come across. The most exquisite realizations. Someone or something you’ve been looking for your whole life. Something you had wanted forever, but never knew it. I’m no longer going to define my life and my experiences. I’m not really in control. At least not as much as I believed I was. I’m not going to keep trying to make things something they’re not. If a situation is awful, I’m going to let it be awful. If an experience is pushing me in a new direction, I’m going to stop pushing back. I just want to let my life flow. It really is just a chain reaction taking me day by day. Stop controlling and let my chain react. Allow myself to free fall blindly into the best of life. The best it has to offer. The most it has to give. I want my rays of indigo sun back. I want to show my heart to the world. I’ve been beautifully broken by a beautiful disaster. Broken for all the right reasons a disaster could cause. Can you be broken beautifully? Can a disaster be just as beautiful as the break? Maybe not, but I’m not worried. I’m not scared for the first time in a long time. I can’t react to fear anymore. It makes for a worried experience. Full of nerves. Makes my insides scream like the breaks on the subway train. From now on I’m just going to live . . . live fully and beautifully without fear.

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4 Responses to “Living Beautifully and Fearlessly”

  1. Dick Patterson November 21, 2010 at 4:18 am #

    Full of wisdom and grace, you are the very best. I have braged about you in every class I have taught for years. I know you have amd will continue to be respected by so many people. You have so much to be proud of and you handle it all with style! Just keep being Charli; The world needs more people like you.

  2. The Dreamer February 23, 2011 at 7:07 pm #

    Hey, it bought a little tear to my eye too.
    Life is beautiful non?! If only we let it be.
    Like Susan Jeffers says, “Feel the fear, and do it anyway”
    All the Best! A 🙂

  3. Eli February 24, 2011 at 9:17 pm #

    I discovered your blog today and just had to stop and comment because, wow, this was something I really needed to read. I’ve been stuck in a place where I’ve been fighting against stuff that’s going on in my life, and I think maybe that I need to take this advice and stop fighting and just see where I go. So thank you for this, so much.

    • iamcharli February 24, 2011 at 10:44 pm #

      So glad you found some inspiration in this! It means a lot! Good luck, and don’t forget to smile =)

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